It’s been 9 long years since Sasquatch was last spotted in Downtown Alpena! It was during the Major League Fishing event sponsored by Jack Links and now it appears HE IS BACK! Word travels fast and the cryptid heard all about this local “hot spot” for bigfoot goods and apparel and had to see it for himself.
We caught up with local business owner Griffin James of Cedar & Threads to see what this was all about…
“I just came in to open the shop today, like any other Friday, and Bigfoot himself was waiting outside by the door! Naturally, I was initially frightened and shocked, I almost called the police, but then he spoke. He asked to see what kind of apparel I had in his image and I just kind of stuttered in shock and awe. Then he threatened me with a defamation lawsuit and I was like, “whoa, whoa, whoa…hang on second here, Buddy!” He was really putting the “Sass” in Sasquatch if you know what I mean!
So I opened up the shop and he made his way inside to look around. The first thing he noticed was our Dr. Squatch soaps. He was pretty surprised to hear of this honorary Doctorate status and claims he never even graduated college. It was hard for him and he thinks of himself as more a skilled laborer and tradesman. He was flattered to be called Dr. but also a little offended at the reference to his body odor. He really loved the logo though, since he “partakes in smoking a cobb pipe every evening after putting the kids to bed.”
Then he went on to the glassware of his silhouette and he told me that it was a really flattering angle and admired his own body tone and definition. I asked him if he works out? He was like, “obviously” and then it got really awkward again.
After that, we looked over some of our apparel and I could tell he really approved! Especially the kid’s “Believe” t-shirt. Our conversation got really profound after that moment. We talked about how if people would just believe in themselves and others as much as they believe in him, we’d have a lot more kindness and compassion in this world. It made me tear up, actually. I could tell he was getting choked up, too!
After that, Sasquatch thanked me for showing him around the place and asked me all about Alpena. I told him that Alpena is a great place to raise your family, away from the hustle and bustle of big city life and packed with small-town charm. Now he’s actually thinking about moving him and his family into the Northeastern MI woods! After some more small talk, I made a quick phone call to my friend Stacy and he snapped this picture of us and that was that. He was gone as quick as he appeared!”
This fascinating story is still breaking and we will be sure to keep you updated on any future Sasquatch sightings here in the Alpena area!
Until then, we hope you have a very special April Fools Day!